Friday, 17 June 2011

Self-injury.

I started cutting when I was 13, after dealing with being sexually abused by my step-brother since I was 9. The way he would touch me, and tell me that I was worthless and that I deserved to be hurt and humiliated has made me absolutely loathe myself.

A friend of mine at the time was cutting herself, and the day she showed me her scars, something inside me snapped and I became my own worst enemy. I tried hundreds of times to stop, but I always went right back to the one thing that I needed to walk away from.


When I was 18 I met my boyfriend - and I don’t know how, but he turned my entire world upside down. The day after I met him, I swore that I would stop cutting, and its now been around ten months with only a few slip-ups.

3 comments:

  1. Oh Ashe honey, I am so sorry for all that you've had to go through.

    I wish I was there that I could give you a big hug but since I'm not, here's a (Hug) for you.

    I have heard of cutting before but don't think I ever knew of anyone who did it.

    I'm so glad that things are turning around for you since you met your boyfriend. Have you ever maybe thought of getting counseling for everything you went through? Just wondering. [Oh, and if I ever ask anything that you don't want to answer, just tell me it's none of my business, I'll understand.] : )

    Love you friend,

    Deb

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  2. Oh my this is so orrible that you've had to suffer for such a thing. I'm sorry. Do you mind if I ask if you denounced him?

    I don't know a lot about cutting, but I've been through a very bad period myself and, well Deb is right, you'd think about counseling.
    You know, I spent the last 3 years of my life doing nothing, and it's not an euphemism to say that I haven't done a lot. I fell in this terrible circle of indifference and solitude without even noticing, becoming insecure and cold.
    On top of it I did outing with my mum and she wanted me to see a psychologist because of this. I declined the offert of course, but then I had a talk with my ex boyfriend and it made me understand all the time I was loosing and that my life was a total mess, that in 3 years I managed to become an antisocial vacant shell.
    So I dediced to look for help and I'm seeing this psycho since January.
    Trust me it's hell! I remember taking the bus to reach her office and trembling in fear during the ride. But it's all worth it. Really, it helps. It's illuminating, it makes you see things of yourself you didn't even know existed.

    Anyway I'm glad that you have someone who's making it a little better and thanks for sharing this things with us. Is it hard for you to talk about it?
    I also hope you'll find good friends in us, so you can "take it out" when you need to <3

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  3. Ashe,

    I think you are such a strong and incredible person. You've overcome so much and the things that happened to you, you never deserved. It's amazing what you can empower yourself through. It sounds like you've found hope and support in this life. I'm glad you felt you could share this part of your life here. I believe this to be a very supportive community of new friends. Write anytime you need to!

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